I was attempting to crack open to secret to the secrets, but I was wrong.
There isnt a secret.

Dont be fooled, you may feel like you have it all figured out, secured under your belt. Dont hold on too tight, secretly its not really there. Its a secret though. 

In the past I felt I derived off of the empty feeling. Finding the inspiration from being blind and not having a motive, so then why when I sit here do I feel just that--empty? Peeling myself off of my sheets because i'm supposed to, but lying there in bed is just as bad as not. Doing nothing is just as bad as forcing myself to do something. That is the definition of empty. You get really good at being the strength for someone, when secretly you're the one who needs the push.
 Its hard supporting when you're not supported.

Even when you are supported, are you aware of it? Its funny how some things change, but despite of those changes there is a remaining dormancy. Always there. YOU'VE REACHED YOUR LIFETIME GOAL! You've found the love of your life! Why the hell does the searching continue? You're not searching for a mate, you're searching for the love of your life.

Will. I. Always. Be. Searching. For. The. Love. Of. My. Life?

Sometimes I find it. Lots of times actually. Its that extra push, remember that?
Most of the time the push doesn't require fingers on hands, its that one burning deep-like feeling that you learn about in primary. The good news is, you spend all that time searching when secretly, in a cliche kind of way, Its all on you. You cant search for something that's not that. That love, that hope and extra push you wait for is all up to you. People will come and go, some will come and never go, but its not up to them? Its not up to anyone but the idiot wearing your shoes.